Hate Free Zone: How I Cope with Hurtful Comments

Good evening all,

Image from Google.com

I hope you're all well and having a good day, the weather has been beautiful lately here in the UK so we have all been making the most of it. I had mentioned in a previous post that I had a number of other posts planned such as managing toxic friendships and such but a couple of days ago I had a bad experience. I woke up and did what i do everyday after waking myself up properly, I checked my email for my university, personal and blogging mail accounts and all was good except I had received a rather nasty email from someone who was clearly attempting to keep themselves anonymous. Usually I don't get a massive amount of emails on my blogging email account I've had some people talk to me and thank me for blogging so honestly and some women who have shared their stories about managing their weight and all of the people I've spoken to have been lovely up until today. The email I got today basically told me that what I was doing, what I had to say was pointless, I don't want to discuss everything that was said because it was absolutely vile and nobody should have to listen to or read that again, this blog is a safe space for larger bodied people and those with genetic obesity conditions.

I have been given so much support from so many amazing people since I mentioned this email online and I can't thank everybody enough but it was the mother of another warrior of genetic obesity who inspired me to write this post. I have experienced this kind of abuse all through my life, just as I am positive other oversight and obese, not just hose with genetic obesity have, and as much as this horrid person's words were upsetting I would like to share with you all how I cope when I have abuse directed towards me. 

• Stop obsessing - I struggled with this a lot when I was a child,  I would have something shouted at me in public and for the rest of the week, literally, I would spend every single waking minute torturing myself with the words that had been directed towards me until I started to believe them. One day I had been at College and someone had shouted something at me and I was so tired that day and so busy that I just smiled and walked away. I wasn't about to waste my energy that I could use working on assignments or trying to build up my own confidence by obsessing over a strangers words who didn't  know me whatsoever. Once I made the decision to smile and walk away the guy looked so confused and just mumbled something and he never shouted anything at me again despite me seeing him quire regularly in college. 

• I talked about it with people who understand - Throughout comprehensive school I had one particular friend, who is now an ex friend, who would not stand up for anybody but herself. She would regularly see me being berated at school and never said or did a single thing to stop it or make me feel better. When I started to surround myself with different people I felt so much more comfortable going to those people just to have a rant and get it off my chest, lots of swearing was usually involved, lost of shouting and usually I end up laughing at the stupidity of the people being involved. It does definitely help to offload to someone else who will listen then have a laugh about it!

•  I challenge them - I know this is extremely difficult to do for so many people but even  if you do it once it can make you feel so so much more empowered. I used to challenge people to shut up, tell them I would do this that or the other to them if they continued and as soon as they saw they were getting a negative reaction out of me they would carry on calling me names or hitting me and so on. Now when someone says something about or to me and I have the chance I am more mature and rational about it, I once asked someone what had gone so badly wrong in their lives that they had to be so abhorrent to a complete stranger and they literally didn't have an answer other than bright red cheeks and ears for me to look at. Other times when I can't be that bothered with people I will try and out do them with my vocabulary, I can almost guarantee that anybody who had the nerve to should rude words at someone in public is not very well educated either in qualifications or morals so try to confuse them where you can. It may sound mean but it is quite funny. The key to this is trying to deflate the commentator without provoking a negative reaction, ignoring them also works very well. 

•  Change how you view yourself - If you constantly listen to those awful comments, dwell on them and start to believe them you will never ever change how you feel when those comments come around again, which they will because we live in a society where fatness is despised, thinness is admires and aspired to and we cannot change that fact anytime soon. What we can change is our opinions of ourselves. Around 18/19 years old I started looking in the mirror every single day and telling myself 2 things that I was happy about one for my body and one for my personality. i started by telling myself that I had lovely eyes, because I do, and that I am a brilliant worker, because I am. Those 2 things everyday ld to 4, to 6 to 10 things I can list off that I am positive about. Eventually when you get those comments they start to roll off your back because why should I care about someone who things I am unattractive when I am a good friend, or really good at writing essays, I have a great bum and a pretty face. Eventually it becomes more important what you think of yourself than what anybody else can say to you to bring you down, because you will forget what was said 2 days ago and look in that mirror to see how freakin' amazing you are right now.

This might not have ben the most helpful post in the world, and these things I do to cope might not work for you but I can't stress how important it is for you to start viewing yourself as worthy, valued and relevant and stop obsessing over little comments that will not matter in 3 days never mind 3 weeks. Your mental health and self-perception is way more important, because the people who love you and care for you would tell you that nasty people aren't worth a second of your time. Life is too short. If anybody needs or wants to talk please go to the contact me page, find your favourite way to chat and send a message because I will always be here to talk, listen and laugh with you. 
Now get yourself to the closes mirror and compliment yourself ladies and gents! Have a wonderful evening. 

Katy xx