Hate Free Zone: How I Cope with Hurtful Comments

Good evening all,

Image from Google.com

I hope you're all well and having a good day, the weather has been beautiful lately here in the UK so we have all been making the most of it. I had mentioned in a previous post that I had a number of other posts planned such as managing toxic friendships and such but a couple of days ago I had a bad experience. I woke up and did what i do everyday after waking myself up properly, I checked my email for my university, personal and blogging mail accounts and all was good except I had received a rather nasty email from someone who was clearly attempting to keep themselves anonymous. Usually I don't get a massive amount of emails on my blogging email account I've had some people talk to me and thank me for blogging so honestly and some women who have shared their stories about managing their weight and all of the people I've spoken to have been lovely up until today. The email I got today basically told me that what I was doing, what I had to say was pointless, I don't want to discuss everything that was said because it was absolutely vile and nobody should have to listen to or read that again, this blog is a safe space for larger bodied people and those with genetic obesity conditions.

I have been given so much support from so many amazing people since I mentioned this email online and I can't thank everybody enough but it was the mother of another warrior of genetic obesity who inspired me to write this post. I have experienced this kind of abuse all through my life, just as I am positive other oversight and obese, not just hose with genetic obesity have, and as much as this horrid person's words were upsetting I would like to share with you all how I cope when I have abuse directed towards me. 

• Stop obsessing - I struggled with this a lot when I was a child,  I would have something shouted at me in public and for the rest of the week, literally, I would spend every single waking minute torturing myself with the words that had been directed towards me until I started to believe them. One day I had been at College and someone had shouted something at me and I was so tired that day and so busy that I just smiled and walked away. I wasn't about to waste my energy that I could use working on assignments or trying to build up my own confidence by obsessing over a strangers words who didn't  know me whatsoever. Once I made the decision to smile and walk away the guy looked so confused and just mumbled something and he never shouted anything at me again despite me seeing him quire regularly in college. 

• I talked about it with people who understand - Throughout comprehensive school I had one particular friend, who is now an ex friend, who would not stand up for anybody but herself. She would regularly see me being berated at school and never said or did a single thing to stop it or make me feel better. When I started to surround myself with different people I felt so much more comfortable going to those people just to have a rant and get it off my chest, lots of swearing was usually involved, lost of shouting and usually I end up laughing at the stupidity of the people being involved. It does definitely help to offload to someone else who will listen then have a laugh about it!

•  I challenge them - I know this is extremely difficult to do for so many people but even  if you do it once it can make you feel so so much more empowered. I used to challenge people to shut up, tell them I would do this that or the other to them if they continued and as soon as they saw they were getting a negative reaction out of me they would carry on calling me names or hitting me and so on. Now when someone says something about or to me and I have the chance I am more mature and rational about it, I once asked someone what had gone so badly wrong in their lives that they had to be so abhorrent to a complete stranger and they literally didn't have an answer other than bright red cheeks and ears for me to look at. Other times when I can't be that bothered with people I will try and out do them with my vocabulary, I can almost guarantee that anybody who had the nerve to should rude words at someone in public is not very well educated either in qualifications or morals so try to confuse them where you can. It may sound mean but it is quite funny. The key to this is trying to deflate the commentator without provoking a negative reaction, ignoring them also works very well. 

•  Change how you view yourself - If you constantly listen to those awful comments, dwell on them and start to believe them you will never ever change how you feel when those comments come around again, which they will because we live in a society where fatness is despised, thinness is admires and aspired to and we cannot change that fact anytime soon. What we can change is our opinions of ourselves. Around 18/19 years old I started looking in the mirror every single day and telling myself 2 things that I was happy about one for my body and one for my personality. i started by telling myself that I had lovely eyes, because I do, and that I am a brilliant worker, because I am. Those 2 things everyday ld to 4, to 6 to 10 things I can list off that I am positive about. Eventually when you get those comments they start to roll off your back because why should I care about someone who things I am unattractive when I am a good friend, or really good at writing essays, I have a great bum and a pretty face. Eventually it becomes more important what you think of yourself than what anybody else can say to you to bring you down, because you will forget what was said 2 days ago and look in that mirror to see how freakin' amazing you are right now.

This might not have ben the most helpful post in the world, and these things I do to cope might not work for you but I can't stress how important it is for you to start viewing yourself as worthy, valued and relevant and stop obsessing over little comments that will not matter in 3 days never mind 3 weeks. Your mental health and self-perception is way more important, because the people who love you and care for you would tell you that nasty people aren't worth a second of your time. Life is too short. If anybody needs or wants to talk please go to the contact me page, find your favourite way to chat and send a message because I will always be here to talk, listen and laugh with you. 
Now get yourself to the closes mirror and compliment yourself ladies and gents! Have a wonderful evening. 

Katy xx

Getting and Coping with a Diagnosis - The POMC Series

Good day everybody!

How are you all doing today? Very good I hope. It's been a crazy hectic week what with York and a few other things going on at home, getting ready for university is so exciting and I've already got my backpack ready to go! Nothing like enthusiasm, eh? Anyway, I've been working on today's post for a while and I've actually had most of it written up for quite a few days now but it's something I've been meaning to discuss for some time; today I want to talk about getting and coping with a diagnosis of POMC or any other genetic obesity disease such as Prader-Willi or Leptin Receptor deficiency. 

When I was diagnosed I was so young that I honestly didn't understand what was wrong and to be honest didn't truly understand it up until this year when I actually started to look deeply into my condition; there was very little support around at that time as doctors knew less about it then than they do now, so hopefully what I'm writing now will eventually get to someone diagnosed with a genetic obesity condition and help them.

Image from Google

Getting a Diagnosis

Right, first of all I would like to talk about actually getting your diagnosis, when you first suspect something may be wrong genetically in terms of obesity, probably from recognising signs and symptoms (find a small list of them here INSERT PREV BLOG POST) you should speak to your GP about your concerns about your health. There is a good possibility that you'll be met with doubt and scrutiny from many doctors you speak to, particularly primary care doctors such as GPs as there is a huge stigma attached to obesity. One idea particularly is that obese people are unlikely to take responsibility for their own health problems, this is an incredibly ridiculous idea as although there may be some people who prefer to blame others' for their weight, there are also people who can take responsibility for their health and others who have no responsibility to take as it is no fault of their own. One way that you can help yourself here is by printing off a list of symptoms and signs that you are experiencing and take that to your GPs surgery, book a double appointment with an actually doctor as this gives you more time to explain your circumstances. If you're struggling to get support from your doctor the first time, ask for a second opinion if you are convinced there is an underlying issue. 

If you are determined and have an understanding doctor, or one who likes to take interest in unusual conditions, you may be given referrals for genetic testing, these tests can be intensive and arduous and very frustrating at times, most of mine consisted of blood tests, ECGs, I actually had treadmill tests, some kind of sleep test where I had a space helmet like contraption over my head whilst I slept and many others. Often these tests can be frightening especially if you're a child and don't fully understand your situation, they can be emotionally fraught times during and waiting for test results but if you speak to the team dealing with the tests it should be possible to arrange some sort of counselling session, as least my hospital did that for me when I was scared. In times like these it's also important to keep a close network of good friends and family around so you can talk to them when you need. 

Coping with a Diagnosis

If you are unfortunate enough to be diagnosed with a genetic obesity disease then I truly feel for you, the first thing that you need to know is that you are absolutely not alone, as much as you may feel it at the beginning. You may be angry and try to blame whoever you can for this happening but honestly, don't. In situations like this absolutely nothing can be helped as much as it may hurt, one of the best things about being diagnosed at a time like this is that currently there are trials going on to test a particular drug to see if that can help, there is more knowledge and more doctors researching it then ever before and there are more people diagnosed. Personally, knowing what I do now about the condition I would recommend doing several things once you are diagnosed, these being:

• Learn - find out as much as you possible can about the condition you have, ask doctors, nurses and specialists what is involved with your condition, how does it affect people, learn about what foods are best for you, how you can exercise, how you can try to maintain your weight, learn as much as you possibly can about your condition as it will help in the future.
• Take Note - take notes on how your body is progressing, is there anything that can make you worse e.g. do you find it hard to say no? Little self-control? Often times pressure and convenience can lead you to eat badly, if your friend tried to twist your arm for fast food, you must find out what your triggers are, how you can stop yourself eating badly and take notes on how your body is developing. Are you gaining, losing or maintaining your weight? How are your usual body functions e.g. how is your hunger, how are your menstrual cycles? Learn about yourself. 
• Teach - it's essential that you teach the people around you exactly what going on with you the best you can, build up an informed and understanding support network around you as these people will be your biggest strength in your darkest of days. 
• Get Support - as I mentioned earlier there are now a number of organisations and nonprofit organisations that have been established in recent years that can give or can point you in the direction of support. Facebook groups, blogs such as this, NORD, EURODIS, Orphan Drug Act, Genetic Alliance, Global Genes and so many more organisations can help and support you. Other groups such as Facebook groups are often much more for emotional support and helping you get in touch with doctors. 
• Diet Changes - It's essential that you make some changes to your diet when you're diagnosed with a genetic obesity disease, especially if you've not had a great diet up until this point. Again, it's all in the learning, get yourself to a specialist dietician, preferably referred from your specialist doctor rather than a GP as GPs and your "average" doctors do not tend to read notes and it can make you feel as if you're banging your head against a brick wall. It'll take time but try and find a diet that includes all or a lot of the vitamins and nutrients your body needs while getting in the foods you love, get support from family and friends, do not let them push you into something you know is not good for you. Make better decisions when going out for food and try to be aware of your exercise as well as this can help a lot in making you feel better in yourself and in *some circumstances can help maintain weight. 

That ladies and gents is all of the information that I can give you from my little noggin. I really hope I've been able to help but the one piece of advice I can give you is this: give yourself a break, none of this is your fault and know you have a diagnosis and the knowledge of what exactly is going on in your body you can try to make some good changes and Rome wasn't built in a day remember. 

Thank you all for reading. Have a fab day! 

xo.