Hate Free Zone: How I Cope with Hurtful Comments

Good evening all,

Image from Google.com

I hope you're all well and having a good day, the weather has been beautiful lately here in the UK so we have all been making the most of it. I had mentioned in a previous post that I had a number of other posts planned such as managing toxic friendships and such but a couple of days ago I had a bad experience. I woke up and did what i do everyday after waking myself up properly, I checked my email for my university, personal and blogging mail accounts and all was good except I had received a rather nasty email from someone who was clearly attempting to keep themselves anonymous. Usually I don't get a massive amount of emails on my blogging email account I've had some people talk to me and thank me for blogging so honestly and some women who have shared their stories about managing their weight and all of the people I've spoken to have been lovely up until today. The email I got today basically told me that what I was doing, what I had to say was pointless, I don't want to discuss everything that was said because it was absolutely vile and nobody should have to listen to or read that again, this blog is a safe space for larger bodied people and those with genetic obesity conditions.

I have been given so much support from so many amazing people since I mentioned this email online and I can't thank everybody enough but it was the mother of another warrior of genetic obesity who inspired me to write this post. I have experienced this kind of abuse all through my life, just as I am positive other oversight and obese, not just hose with genetic obesity have, and as much as this horrid person's words were upsetting I would like to share with you all how I cope when I have abuse directed towards me. 

• Stop obsessing - I struggled with this a lot when I was a child,  I would have something shouted at me in public and for the rest of the week, literally, I would spend every single waking minute torturing myself with the words that had been directed towards me until I started to believe them. One day I had been at College and someone had shouted something at me and I was so tired that day and so busy that I just smiled and walked away. I wasn't about to waste my energy that I could use working on assignments or trying to build up my own confidence by obsessing over a strangers words who didn't  know me whatsoever. Once I made the decision to smile and walk away the guy looked so confused and just mumbled something and he never shouted anything at me again despite me seeing him quire regularly in college. 

• I talked about it with people who understand - Throughout comprehensive school I had one particular friend, who is now an ex friend, who would not stand up for anybody but herself. She would regularly see me being berated at school and never said or did a single thing to stop it or make me feel better. When I started to surround myself with different people I felt so much more comfortable going to those people just to have a rant and get it off my chest, lots of swearing was usually involved, lost of shouting and usually I end up laughing at the stupidity of the people being involved. It does definitely help to offload to someone else who will listen then have a laugh about it!

•  I challenge them - I know this is extremely difficult to do for so many people but even  if you do it once it can make you feel so so much more empowered. I used to challenge people to shut up, tell them I would do this that or the other to them if they continued and as soon as they saw they were getting a negative reaction out of me they would carry on calling me names or hitting me and so on. Now when someone says something about or to me and I have the chance I am more mature and rational about it, I once asked someone what had gone so badly wrong in their lives that they had to be so abhorrent to a complete stranger and they literally didn't have an answer other than bright red cheeks and ears for me to look at. Other times when I can't be that bothered with people I will try and out do them with my vocabulary, I can almost guarantee that anybody who had the nerve to should rude words at someone in public is not very well educated either in qualifications or morals so try to confuse them where you can. It may sound mean but it is quite funny. The key to this is trying to deflate the commentator without provoking a negative reaction, ignoring them also works very well. 

•  Change how you view yourself - If you constantly listen to those awful comments, dwell on them and start to believe them you will never ever change how you feel when those comments come around again, which they will because we live in a society where fatness is despised, thinness is admires and aspired to and we cannot change that fact anytime soon. What we can change is our opinions of ourselves. Around 18/19 years old I started looking in the mirror every single day and telling myself 2 things that I was happy about one for my body and one for my personality. i started by telling myself that I had lovely eyes, because I do, and that I am a brilliant worker, because I am. Those 2 things everyday ld to 4, to 6 to 10 things I can list off that I am positive about. Eventually when you get those comments they start to roll off your back because why should I care about someone who things I am unattractive when I am a good friend, or really good at writing essays, I have a great bum and a pretty face. Eventually it becomes more important what you think of yourself than what anybody else can say to you to bring you down, because you will forget what was said 2 days ago and look in that mirror to see how freakin' amazing you are right now.

This might not have ben the most helpful post in the world, and these things I do to cope might not work for you but I can't stress how important it is for you to start viewing yourself as worthy, valued and relevant and stop obsessing over little comments that will not matter in 3 days never mind 3 weeks. Your mental health and self-perception is way more important, because the people who love you and care for you would tell you that nasty people aren't worth a second of your time. Life is too short. If anybody needs or wants to talk please go to the contact me page, find your favourite way to chat and send a message because I will always be here to talk, listen and laugh with you. 
Now get yourself to the closes mirror and compliment yourself ladies and gents! Have a wonderful evening. 

Katy xx

Quick Update: University and Health

Afternoon all,

This post is going to be very short as at the moment I'm not feeling great at all, I'll be posting an update all about university and my health for the moment as I don't want to leave posting while I'm ill but i also don't have the energy either mentally or physically to write a long post on a particular topic. Apologies all around for the lack of posting however it's not unexpected, last Monday (the 25th I believe) I started back at university for year 2! Very exciting time but the workload is as I expected, heavier and coming quicker than year 1 did, from what I am aware I have at least 3 assignments due in before end of semester 1 in December so I'll be needing to get started with those as soon as possible, my lecturers are fab and the topics seem very interesting. This year I'm studying Medicalisation, Sex, families and personal lives, social policy, industrial society, quantitative research and a placement module. So far I think I've managed to pick where I want to do my placement and what research project I'll be wanting to base it around so yey!

Our university has recently started using the VLE Canvas to put all of our modules on so we can access them easily from home, as of now I can only access 2 out of this semesters 4 modules so for two of my lessons i can't do my reading, can't do the seminar tasks and have no idea how or what deadline assignment dates there are, obviously this is stressing me out a lot, I've actually cried so much over this as it's massively impacting my anxiety, I mean I don't feel good enough to be in second year but how am I supposed to be doing well if I can't do the tasks assigned to me? Anyway, I've spoken to lots of people about this and nobody has managed to sort anything yet but hopefully this coming week something can get done. 

Other than that in terms of university my best friend has started at my uni as well which I'm really happy about as we used to spend lots of time together at college but not as much since we went to separate universities last year. Earlier in the week we went to a student shopping night in the Gateshead metro centre which was very fun and we got lots of bargains, there is another student shopping night coming up soon so if i'm up for it we will head down. We also went to see Simon and my friend's band Deep.Sleep play at the Independent in Sunderland which was amazing! I highly recommend checking out Soho by Deep.Sleep, they are great. The night out in Sunderland resulted in far far too much to drink after blocking out a horrible day on Friday, some people at university were not very nice to me and it's knocked my confidence and my mental health has suffered because if it but hey ho alcohol usually seems like a good idea at the time but never is. I ended up in a state apparently saying Hi to everyone who passed and insisting it was Thursday and telling people Ja is German for yes, I'm not completely sure I trust the stories my friends tell me though. Still recovering from that one...

As I said at the beginning of the post my health hasn't been too great, I'm suffering from insomnia, my asthma is getting a little worse at the moment and unfortunately I've got a skin condition called Acanthosis Nigrigans resulting from insulin resistance, earlier this year the skin started to dry out and cracked, recently it's been splitting and bleeding a bit and because i hate to bother the doctors with my problems I don't go so I tried to deal with it myself, now I'm left with a small infected hole in my abdomen that is extremely painful and making me feel very ill, it mean's I can't put a bra on properly, tops rubbing against surrounding area of skin causes sickening pain, Simon is with me almost every day at uni as I can't cope standing up, the weight of my stomach is pulling the skin down even more and tearing it more too. My endometreosis pains and a terrible matters are not helping at all either, I think I've had less than 10 hours sleep in about 9 days. Comments at university from people have obviously had an impact on my mental health which is probably apparent from my writing, I'm just not feeling up to doing anything at all and I'm beginning to feel as though there's no point in, well anything. I know it'll pass, or at least I hope it will but the quicker that day comes the better, I hate feeling so hopeless, useless and unloved. Thoughts that I haven't had for years and years, since school are not far from my mind at the moment, a lot of people say they think I'm always happy and jovial, I'm really not, I feel like I get on everybody's nerves, that nobody wants me or I'm not good enough to do anything, I don't feel worthy of anybody or anything at the moment.
To anybody out there who is feeling the same try and talk to someone if you can, find an outlet for the pain where possible, in art or music or writing, whatever you do don't let yourself feel like this longer than necessary. It sucks. 

So, to end with I'll apologise once again for taking up your time and not posting much, I'll probably be posting much less frequently as university really kicks in but I will remain active fairly often on Facebook, twitter, Instagram and this is definitely not me signing off blogging, you're not getting rid of me that easily. 

Thanks for coming back,

Katy. xo

Getting and Coping with a Diagnosis - The POMC Series

Good day everybody!

How are you all doing today? Very good I hope. It's been a crazy hectic week what with York and a few other things going on at home, getting ready for university is so exciting and I've already got my backpack ready to go! Nothing like enthusiasm, eh? Anyway, I've been working on today's post for a while and I've actually had most of it written up for quite a few days now but it's something I've been meaning to discuss for some time; today I want to talk about getting and coping with a diagnosis of POMC or any other genetic obesity disease such as Prader-Willi or Leptin Receptor deficiency. 

When I was diagnosed I was so young that I honestly didn't understand what was wrong and to be honest didn't truly understand it up until this year when I actually started to look deeply into my condition; there was very little support around at that time as doctors knew less about it then than they do now, so hopefully what I'm writing now will eventually get to someone diagnosed with a genetic obesity condition and help them.

Image from Google

Getting a Diagnosis

Right, first of all I would like to talk about actually getting your diagnosis, when you first suspect something may be wrong genetically in terms of obesity, probably from recognising signs and symptoms (find a small list of them here INSERT PREV BLOG POST) you should speak to your GP about your concerns about your health. There is a good possibility that you'll be met with doubt and scrutiny from many doctors you speak to, particularly primary care doctors such as GPs as there is a huge stigma attached to obesity. One idea particularly is that obese people are unlikely to take responsibility for their own health problems, this is an incredibly ridiculous idea as although there may be some people who prefer to blame others' for their weight, there are also people who can take responsibility for their health and others who have no responsibility to take as it is no fault of their own. One way that you can help yourself here is by printing off a list of symptoms and signs that you are experiencing and take that to your GPs surgery, book a double appointment with an actually doctor as this gives you more time to explain your circumstances. If you're struggling to get support from your doctor the first time, ask for a second opinion if you are convinced there is an underlying issue. 

If you are determined and have an understanding doctor, or one who likes to take interest in unusual conditions, you may be given referrals for genetic testing, these tests can be intensive and arduous and very frustrating at times, most of mine consisted of blood tests, ECGs, I actually had treadmill tests, some kind of sleep test where I had a space helmet like contraption over my head whilst I slept and many others. Often these tests can be frightening especially if you're a child and don't fully understand your situation, they can be emotionally fraught times during and waiting for test results but if you speak to the team dealing with the tests it should be possible to arrange some sort of counselling session, as least my hospital did that for me when I was scared. In times like these it's also important to keep a close network of good friends and family around so you can talk to them when you need. 

Coping with a Diagnosis

If you are unfortunate enough to be diagnosed with a genetic obesity disease then I truly feel for you, the first thing that you need to know is that you are absolutely not alone, as much as you may feel it at the beginning. You may be angry and try to blame whoever you can for this happening but honestly, don't. In situations like this absolutely nothing can be helped as much as it may hurt, one of the best things about being diagnosed at a time like this is that currently there are trials going on to test a particular drug to see if that can help, there is more knowledge and more doctors researching it then ever before and there are more people diagnosed. Personally, knowing what I do now about the condition I would recommend doing several things once you are diagnosed, these being:

• Learn - find out as much as you possible can about the condition you have, ask doctors, nurses and specialists what is involved with your condition, how does it affect people, learn about what foods are best for you, how you can exercise, how you can try to maintain your weight, learn as much as you possibly can about your condition as it will help in the future.
• Take Note - take notes on how your body is progressing, is there anything that can make you worse e.g. do you find it hard to say no? Little self-control? Often times pressure and convenience can lead you to eat badly, if your friend tried to twist your arm for fast food, you must find out what your triggers are, how you can stop yourself eating badly and take notes on how your body is developing. Are you gaining, losing or maintaining your weight? How are your usual body functions e.g. how is your hunger, how are your menstrual cycles? Learn about yourself. 
• Teach - it's essential that you teach the people around you exactly what going on with you the best you can, build up an informed and understanding support network around you as these people will be your biggest strength in your darkest of days. 
• Get Support - as I mentioned earlier there are now a number of organisations and nonprofit organisations that have been established in recent years that can give or can point you in the direction of support. Facebook groups, blogs such as this, NORD, EURODIS, Orphan Drug Act, Genetic Alliance, Global Genes and so many more organisations can help and support you. Other groups such as Facebook groups are often much more for emotional support and helping you get in touch with doctors. 
• Diet Changes - It's essential that you make some changes to your diet when you're diagnosed with a genetic obesity disease, especially if you've not had a great diet up until this point. Again, it's all in the learning, get yourself to a specialist dietician, preferably referred from your specialist doctor rather than a GP as GPs and your "average" doctors do not tend to read notes and it can make you feel as if you're banging your head against a brick wall. It'll take time but try and find a diet that includes all or a lot of the vitamins and nutrients your body needs while getting in the foods you love, get support from family and friends, do not let them push you into something you know is not good for you. Make better decisions when going out for food and try to be aware of your exercise as well as this can help a lot in making you feel better in yourself and in *some circumstances can help maintain weight. 

That ladies and gents is all of the information that I can give you from my little noggin. I really hope I've been able to help but the one piece of advice I can give you is this: give yourself a break, none of this is your fault and know you have a diagnosis and the knowledge of what exactly is going on in your body you can try to make some good changes and Rome wasn't built in a day remember. 

Thank you all for reading. Have a fab day! 

xo.

Making the Most of University!

Hi all!

Today's post is something that I've only recently gotten into to be honest, I'm a firm believe that you must make the most of every experience in life and make sure you keep a positive attitude and because Freshers week is so close I thought a post on how to make the most of your University experience might be good for some. 

I'm going to speak from experience here so my situation was slightly different from others, as is everybody's experience; so, when I started uni back in September last year I was so nervous and anxious, mainly because I had 0 self esteem or self confidence. I was a wreck pretty much all year, jittery and scared, I only made 1 friend the whole year (who is awesome btw) but wanted to approach so many other people I was just too anxious and obviously anxiety got the better of me. It's only since I have truly embraced who I am and what I can do that has given me a kick up the backside and made me realise I am worth of friendship, love and a hella good time at uni!

Image from Google

Everybody will be nervous starting uni for different reasons whether it's the fact that they need a little extra support and don't feel they know or can ask for it, they're moving out for the first time, some people will feel anxious because of how the look (like I did) and not want to approach anyone. Whatever your reason for being anxious or nervous you've got to remember while you're probably feeling alone and like you're the only one who feels that way you are literally surrounded by hundreds or thousands of other people who are feeling the same wishing someone would talk to them first. Be that person. There are loads of ways you can make the most of your time at university and I shall list them below right now, there will be a fair few so please keep reading if you can!

Image from google - My University

• Go to freshers - You don't necessarily need to attend all of the parties or events going on, if partying isn't your thing don't go, simple as. Freshers is an event that caters for everybody, although it might not be portrayed that way, it really is. The university I attend puts on comedy hypnotists, beach walks with fish and chips, pride marches and so on. Honestly, it's a great opportunity to take part in something you wouldn't usually do and meet some awesome people along the way!

• Go to the freshers fair - The freshers fair is an opportunity to see a great deal of the things that your university offers you, you get to see people about volunteering opportunities, you can get yourself a buddy to help through your first few weeks at uni (if that service is offered at your uni), learn about the services available if you need extra help and support and find out about all of the clubs and societies you can join if you feel like it. 

• Sign up for the clubs and societies - Honestly, with most universities there is literally something for everyone! You can find anything from a community based upon your chosen course, volunteering societies, debating clubs, swimming clubs, drawing societies, gaming societies and so so so many more, in some universities there are even Harry Potter societies for those Potterheads among you! It's a brilliant way to meet people with similar interests and ideals. 

• Create your own society - Can't find a society you like? Why not create your own?! If theres nothing that piques your interest right away then that's a good thing and don't get disheartened!! There, in most universities, is an opportunity for you to build your confidence and knowledge by creating your very own society. So, remember that Harry Potter society I mentioned, if that's not your thing create a Lord of the Rings society or a society for those who like to travel. With university the world is literally your oyster and you're bound to be given a great deal of support to help you in your endeavours. 

• Access the support you need - This one is really important, if you feel like you're going to need extra support due to your circumstances then it's really vital that you get that help right away. If you've got a learning disability or think you might have one go to your disability support and they can test for certain learning impairments such as dyslexia, dyscalculia and such. If you feel lonely and worried about moving out enlist the help counsellors help, religious services in the university are available for those of you looking for spiritual guidance and financial support from specialist advisors is very helpful when first moving out. You can even access services in most universities libraries where they can teach you academic skills such as how to read properly, how to reference, write essays and revise to best suit you!

• Get involved with volunteering and fundraising - This is something I've just gotten into myself with the awareness raising for POMC and fundraising, volunteering is an amazing opportunity to give something back to your community and support other people in need, you can get volunteering opportunities that link directly with your course or get involved with something you're passionate about, many students who have a placement in a year of their course choose to volunteer and carry their placement through their volunteering pathway. It's a brill opportunity to meet others who like volunteering and have the same passions. 

• Attend your classes - In terms of the academic side of things to really get the most out of your course you really do need to attend as many lectures, seminars and practicals as you possibly can, this is a given as if you don't go you don't get the extra  in-depth explanation of a topic... even if sometimes it does seem like lecturers are reading off slides you need to remind yourself that sometimes students in the class may bring up good points who you should be there to note down as every little helps. I think almost everyone would love a first class degree, right?

• Make a budget - Again, this is something I have only learned recently as well. Often when you get student finance for the first time it can be a shock to the system, especially if you're living at home, to have that much money all in one go and you might be tempted to go mad but really it's much easier if you set out a budget first. Make sure any direct debits that need to be paid are paid on time and all outgoings are sorted first because then you know what you're left with and can use that as you see fit. Just make sure that you aren't leaving yourself short so you have no money to g out and do fun things. If you need get help from the universities financial advisors.

• Keep in touch with the ones you love - This is very important regardless of if you're living at home or away. If you're living away you'll obviously feel lonely and miss your family and it can be extremely daunting the first time you leave, keeping in touch with them can make you feel at ease knowing everyone is okay (and they miss you as much as you miss them) but by keeping in touch things will gradually get easier, if they don't maybe consider if you've modes out at the right time. When living at home always make time for your family, sometimes with a very heavy workload and lots of exams you can lose yourself so make time for your old friends and family so they know you're still there.

• Read, read, read! - Reading in university can be very difficult going on to such a different kind of reading from sixth form and college but believe me it is absolutely essential. Reading gives you a greater knowledge of a topic and a much more detailed and in-depth look at it, most of the times reading will be set by lecturers and will be available online but honestly as much as it might be hard at first, do read the books, articles and journals you're given as it will definitely help and all of those little things can be used in essays and exams. 

Well, that's all the advice I have to give right now, but hopefully it has helped and I hoe you all have fun at freshers and have an amazing experience at uni!!

Thanks for reading.

xo

Signs and Indicators - The POMC Series

Hi all,

Image from google.com

I'm so glad you've come back to read the blog again, today is something very important however it will have to be relatively short for a few reasons. I'll be discussing any signs, "usual indicators" and typical attributes that those with POMC can display which may lead to one feeling that testing may be necessary. I absolutely must stress that the information for this post comes from professionals I have been speaking to within the last 2 weeks and a number of reliable websites including the Genetics Home Reference website; some aspects of the information will come from experience and this is not necessarily specific to POMC but some parts are! This is because many other genetic obesity conditions such as Prader-Willi Syndrome, LEPR and such can be very similar to POMC, therefore the few signs and indicators I will discuss today will act as a guide to inform you in case you think something may be awry in your own body. It's also important to note that because there is still very little information on POMC and some other rare genetic obesity disorders the information I can give is scarce, however I will do my best!

One we go!

Early Onset Obesity - This is the most common and most indicative sign there there may be an underlying issue in a child's weight, often many parents find themselves under scrutiny from doctors, social workers, teachers and other professionals who tell them that they are most likely doing something wrong. However, if a child or adult had a good diet and manages to keep up with an exercise regimen and still continues to gain weight, this may be a sign that something could be wrong, but do not simply ask for genetic testing on the basis of this one sign. 

Excessive Hunger - Excessive hunger or hyperphagia is another sign of POMC and other  genetic obesity conditions, often with people the hunger can be unrelenting and can impact daily life as *some people have reported thinking of and desiring food for significant port of the day. This is not necessarily psychosomatic and people with genetic obesity genuinely do feel hungry a lot of the time, if the excessive hungry you're feeling is genuine hunger then again it may be worth discussing with a professional or GP. 
Excessive Eating - For obvious reasons this is a common sign of POMC and other conditions, due to the excessive hunger people with genetic obesity disorders often need to be watched or monitored very closely so that they do not overeat, this is usually the case in children mores than adults as children often do not have a sense of restraint and would continue to eat until their hunger has been satisfied, this again leads to weight gain. If you or your child cannot control your hunger or eating habits it may be time to speak to your GP. 

Low levels of ACHT - People with POMC in some circumstances, not all, can display low levels of Adrenocorticotrophic hormone which can lead to adrenal insufficiency, this according to GHR website can often cause periods of severely low blood sugar levels causing seizures, increased toxic substance called bilirubin and a reduced ability to produce the digestive fluid called bile.  This means that the body doesn't make cortisol and aldosterone which are two hormones that help regulate the body in particular ways. It can also lead to insulin resistance in *some cases, regulation of proteins, carbohydrates and fats will be off, blood pressure and cardiovascular function will be faulty as will the body's responses to inflammation. 
Metabolism 'imbalance' - For those with POMC the metabolism is affected differently, if you find yourself eating the same things as your friends and still gaining weight that may be because with people who have POMC retain all of the energy from food which means this energy, because the energy is being stored as a 'safety net' to prevent the body from starving this means the body will gain weight much quicker as the body doesn't necessarily need this extra energy. Metabolism is an extremely important factor in this condition and is one of the main reasons weight gain is so severe and quick, our metabolisms are not the same as the average person and do not work as well. 
Lack of Development in Puberty - During puberty often girls with POMC or other genetic obesity diseases do not develop as they should, they may not ovulate or, in several cases, do not get periods whatsoever, this usually requires some kind of hormone replacement or substitute to give a withdrawal bleed, this is essential to get some kind of support or substitute for periods as doctors, as fat as I am aware, so not know if POMC leads to the increased risk of weight related diseases such as cancer, diabetes and heart disease. However, those who do not have periods can still get a build up of endometrium which if it is not shed can lead to endometrium cancer in some cases. These issues can also lead to individuals not being able or having extreme difficulty conceiving.
Weak or Brittle Bones - Often people with POMC suffer from bones that are brittle, weak or easily breakable, this can lead to fractures and broken bones , some of which cannot heal easily as well as the increased risk of infection in bones, pain and a higher risk of repeat fractures. If this is the case with you it is important that you note this to your doctor upon discussion. 

Red hair and Pale Skin - From what I have gathered there is a great deal of diversity with POMC patients depending on what "variant", for want of a better description, a person may have. In my post entitled What is POMC? I outlined what the condition is and how it can affect different melanocortin receptors, I mentioned that if the MC1R receptor is affected this will impact the colour of hair and skin, if this is impacted in an individual with POMC they have a tendency to have red hair and pale skin, sometimes green eyes can be associated with POMC but not a great deal of evidence or research (from what I am aware or can find out) has been put into eye colour and POMC. This is not the same in all cases though, I must note. Link to my previous post is here!
Sometimes people can often sense when there is something wrong with their body, if you are showing these signs or a majority of these signs it will be worth talking to a doctor about your concerns, it may end  up that you ave a more common condition or one just as rare, either way its very important that you do discuss your health concerns with a doctor as you could get some real help and support that you need. The condition had no rule book so if you're still convinced you may need genetic testing be prepared to be met with barriers to those tests from many doctors. 
Once again I must stress that the information I have used throughout this post has come from a number of websites and professionals I have spoken to in the last fortnight who have discussed the signs with me. If any information is wrong or inaccurate please message me and I will correct it with any evidence that you show me. 
Websites I have used include Genetics Home Reference, GARD, NCBI and Orphanet.
Thank you once again for reading and have a wonderful day! 
xo.