Hate Free Zone: How I Cope with Hurtful Comments

Good evening all,

Image from Google.com

I hope you're all well and having a good day, the weather has been beautiful lately here in the UK so we have all been making the most of it. I had mentioned in a previous post that I had a number of other posts planned such as managing toxic friendships and such but a couple of days ago I had a bad experience. I woke up and did what i do everyday after waking myself up properly, I checked my email for my university, personal and blogging mail accounts and all was good except I had received a rather nasty email from someone who was clearly attempting to keep themselves anonymous. Usually I don't get a massive amount of emails on my blogging email account I've had some people talk to me and thank me for blogging so honestly and some women who have shared their stories about managing their weight and all of the people I've spoken to have been lovely up until today. The email I got today basically told me that what I was doing, what I had to say was pointless, I don't want to discuss everything that was said because it was absolutely vile and nobody should have to listen to or read that again, this blog is a safe space for larger bodied people and those with genetic obesity conditions.

I have been given so much support from so many amazing people since I mentioned this email online and I can't thank everybody enough but it was the mother of another warrior of genetic obesity who inspired me to write this post. I have experienced this kind of abuse all through my life, just as I am positive other oversight and obese, not just hose with genetic obesity have, and as much as this horrid person's words were upsetting I would like to share with you all how I cope when I have abuse directed towards me. 

• Stop obsessing - I struggled with this a lot when I was a child,  I would have something shouted at me in public and for the rest of the week, literally, I would spend every single waking minute torturing myself with the words that had been directed towards me until I started to believe them. One day I had been at College and someone had shouted something at me and I was so tired that day and so busy that I just smiled and walked away. I wasn't about to waste my energy that I could use working on assignments or trying to build up my own confidence by obsessing over a strangers words who didn't  know me whatsoever. Once I made the decision to smile and walk away the guy looked so confused and just mumbled something and he never shouted anything at me again despite me seeing him quire regularly in college. 

• I talked about it with people who understand - Throughout comprehensive school I had one particular friend, who is now an ex friend, who would not stand up for anybody but herself. She would regularly see me being berated at school and never said or did a single thing to stop it or make me feel better. When I started to surround myself with different people I felt so much more comfortable going to those people just to have a rant and get it off my chest, lots of swearing was usually involved, lost of shouting and usually I end up laughing at the stupidity of the people being involved. It does definitely help to offload to someone else who will listen then have a laugh about it!

•  I challenge them - I know this is extremely difficult to do for so many people but even  if you do it once it can make you feel so so much more empowered. I used to challenge people to shut up, tell them I would do this that or the other to them if they continued and as soon as they saw they were getting a negative reaction out of me they would carry on calling me names or hitting me and so on. Now when someone says something about or to me and I have the chance I am more mature and rational about it, I once asked someone what had gone so badly wrong in their lives that they had to be so abhorrent to a complete stranger and they literally didn't have an answer other than bright red cheeks and ears for me to look at. Other times when I can't be that bothered with people I will try and out do them with my vocabulary, I can almost guarantee that anybody who had the nerve to should rude words at someone in public is not very well educated either in qualifications or morals so try to confuse them where you can. It may sound mean but it is quite funny. The key to this is trying to deflate the commentator without provoking a negative reaction, ignoring them also works very well. 

•  Change how you view yourself - If you constantly listen to those awful comments, dwell on them and start to believe them you will never ever change how you feel when those comments come around again, which they will because we live in a society where fatness is despised, thinness is admires and aspired to and we cannot change that fact anytime soon. What we can change is our opinions of ourselves. Around 18/19 years old I started looking in the mirror every single day and telling myself 2 things that I was happy about one for my body and one for my personality. i started by telling myself that I had lovely eyes, because I do, and that I am a brilliant worker, because I am. Those 2 things everyday ld to 4, to 6 to 10 things I can list off that I am positive about. Eventually when you get those comments they start to roll off your back because why should I care about someone who things I am unattractive when I am a good friend, or really good at writing essays, I have a great bum and a pretty face. Eventually it becomes more important what you think of yourself than what anybody else can say to you to bring you down, because you will forget what was said 2 days ago and look in that mirror to see how freakin' amazing you are right now.

This might not have ben the most helpful post in the world, and these things I do to cope might not work for you but I can't stress how important it is for you to start viewing yourself as worthy, valued and relevant and stop obsessing over little comments that will not matter in 3 days never mind 3 weeks. Your mental health and self-perception is way more important, because the people who love you and care for you would tell you that nasty people aren't worth a second of your time. Life is too short. If anybody needs or wants to talk please go to the contact me page, find your favourite way to chat and send a message because I will always be here to talk, listen and laugh with you. 
Now get yourself to the closes mirror and compliment yourself ladies and gents! Have a wonderful evening. 

Katy xx

Exciting Things Going On!

Good evening all you gorgeous people!

I don't know how many time sI have to say this but I am really sorry for the extended absence, I'm doing my best to stay on top of things. There has been so so much going on lately, last time I posted I think I mentioned that I had finished uni for this year and would be preparing for my dissertation? Well I've finally managed to settle on a topic and have just discovered how much I adore social policy so I'm super excited time 10 to be getting ready for the dissertation. 

In terms of uni I actually found out that I finished my year with an overall first class, same as last year just at a higher degree and I'm hoping to keep that up for my final year and come out with an overall 1st for my undergrad degree. 

At the end of the year I went into uni to have some discussions with lecturers just about how to proceed with research for the dissertation and so on but I actually ended up getting myself and internship throughout the summer which basically involves doing some human rights research and writing a report on particular human rights abuses in a country of my choice. Human rights isn't something I've ever dealt with before but I've got to say it's been heartbreaking reading about some of the atrocities that are happening now throughout the world. Other than difficult and often heavy reading I am really enjoying it and it's something that I can add to my CV. I've also joined the University of Sunderland's Student Blogger team so I've put up a couple of posts for them right now and that's been so fun, I love blogging as you know and I love teaching and my blogging style tends to gravitate more towards academic help and support which is something that I am privileged to be doing and helping others with. 

I've also been volunteering with a company in Sunderland that promoted health and wellbeing and undertaking a few training course, so far I've been trained in emotional resilience and other similar things, I'm looking forward to becoming a fully fledged health champion. I feel like I am doing really well as lecturers at university are wanting to use m work as exemplary for next years students as well as getting some of my work published on the University of Sunderland Social Sciences blog soon so that'll be awesome! 

Unfortunately not everything has been rosy in terms of uni and personal life, I'm struggling with some issues with people in my inner circle, things are being made difficult for me and my mental health is starting to be impacted by it. The only thing that I can say about this topic as, obviously it's very personal to me is that an issue around friendships and supportive relationships becoming toxic to me is getting me significantly overwhelmed so I am attempting to distance myself from situations that I feel will be unhealthy for me. I am actually planning a post about this type of toxicity in your life as soon as I possibly can, it may take a while due to other commitments with the internship and dissertation research but because it's something I feel passionate about it is definitely on of the next posts coming up. 

I have been spending a huge amount of time in hospital lately backwards and forwards from the North East to the West Midlands for care and although I'm not at liberty to disclose any information about what has been going on, I can say that I have never felt this good and things are looking quite positive for me at the moment. I'm hoping to access some counselling services to help me manage my stress and emotions as there has been a significant amount of upheaval in my personal life and with my health and I am a complete advocate for counselling I think it's a wonderful way to relieve stress, learn new ways to cope with changes and sometimes it's better than ranting to family members because at least counsellors are paid to listen haha! I am also planning a post on my reasons why counselling services should be accessed if you're feeling overwhelmed of are struggling because it's a topic that is a real hot one in the media at the moment and definitely is something that needs to be talked about and de-stigmatised, so keep an eye out for that one! 

As you can tell, I have been a bit of a busy been and shall continue to be a busy bee until my feet drop of and my brain melts (if I don't melt before this heat that is) because if I have noting to do I will go mad. I have an exciting couple of weeks planned for self and Simon as we are planning to go to Simon's graduation ceremony for his Foundation Degree on Friday, we have dog trainers out on Thursday (because Luna is becoming a terror!), I'm off to see Pixie Lott with one of my best friends and hopefully another one of my wonderful friends, trips planned to go to Edinburgh, York, Whitby and Beamish open air museum coming up! I'm so excited for the future and honestly, I am overwhelmed at the joy I feel getting to share it with all of my amazing readers. I know I am not the biggest social media mogul or the best, most well known blogger out there but I am grateful for every single person who reads my blogs, thank you all!

P.S. If you would like to see the blog posts that I have created on the University blogging team please go to this link!,

Have an amazing day everybody and Happy Sunday!!!

Love Katy xx

Just me :)

Changes and Hopes for 2018!

Good Morning All!

Not my image! Image found on Google.com

I want to start by saying that I hope everybody has had a wonderful Christmas and hope you're all looking forward to a great New Year! Our Christmas was fantastic, I spent a lovely morning and had lunch with my family and we then went over to Simon's family for the rest of the night, lunch as per was awesome and spending time with all of our loved ones was just perfect. Myself and Simon were completely and utterly spoiled and I can't thank our families and friends enough, we will have to treat them all in the new year.

I'm definitely looking forward to the New Year, I went out with Simon and his friend a few weeks ago and my mood was not positive; I was feeling really depressed and quite hopeless, I think Simon was too at that point to be honest. Both of us had been going through a very difficult period which was impaction on our relationship at the time, something Simon's friend said to us really hit home with me, I can't remember the exact words but he basically said that when you step back form the situation and find the things you like, use the knowledge about yourself in a productive way you can make 2018 the best year ever, it's ours to make basically. He is totally right as well and we just hadn't really looked at it through the lens he uses before. He's an awesome lad, can't say that enough. 

So, with that in mind I want to talk about New Years Resolutions, something I'm sure many many people will be akin this year. Thing is, I don't make resolutions because I don't like the idea of 'letting myself down' if I can't stick to them, but this year some changes really need to be made, therefore this year I'm making some changes, and some promises to myself, that I think will make my life better and make my 2018 as happy and healthy as possible. Here are some things that I'm hoping to accomplish this year.

Improve my health - I'm not the most unhealthy person alive but neither and I the healthiest I could be. There is little I can do about my POMC until the time is right and new treatments are available, new options given to us all; however, there is a lot I can do to improve other aspects of my health to make me happier and more able. I need to mix up my diet, although at the moment it is very restricted, I would like to speak to dieticians to see if I could add more nutritional meals into my diet or even more interesting ones, eating the same thing constantly can get boring. Physiotherapy is on the cards as well as I want to be able to stand for more than 5 minutes without pain coming on, posture is something that needs looking at as the curve in my spine impacts that a lot, I think physic would be a good thing for me even if it's not a cure but a help. Counselling to keep my mental health on track is something I also want to get into, there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to keep your mind healthy, I still have battles with low self-esteem at times and that's something I'm hoping to overcome this year. In terms of health I also need to be much more forward in telling the doctors what I need instead of just agreeing with their course of treatment, that is a very important one for me. 

My book on how to live well the Danish way! Exciting read

Change my mentality - This is a big one actually and pretty much goes hand in hand with the counselling aspect of the above mentioned point. I really need to change my mentality around... well everything. A little fact about me, I let people take advantage of me all the time because I don't have the confidence to stand up and say no. I've put myself, and in some instances, Simon, in very awkward, difficult and uneasy situations due to my inability to say no. Something I need to take heed of is the fact that if somebody else chooses to do (or not do) something because I'm not then that decision isn't on me, everybody is responsible for their own actions and I want to work on my ability to not take everything to heart. I need to be kinder to myself, I often think I'm a terrible person, berating myself for the smallest of mistakes, I put too much pressure on myself at uni because of this. I'm human too and this is the year I want to accept myself completely, flaws and all. Sometimes I try far too hard to please other people and get upset at criticism but I also want to try and be myself more this year, if I don't want to do something I won't. I should get back to my knitting, cross stitch, back into my reading and such. I got a book for Christmas about the Danish way to be happy and I can't wait to read it! 

Spend more time with family - Time with loved ones is precious, all time is precious but it's even better in the company of those you love most. Unfortunately there are some people I'm often surrounded by that, for my own mental health, I am going to have to step away from, regardless of the nature of our relationship some people just are not good to be around. Constant arguments, belittling, lack of support and compassion is not the kind of attitude anybody needs to be around. Therefore, this year I will be spending my time with those who truly matter, those who are there for me and I for them, I've heard over and over that surrounding yourself with good people is the best possible thing you can do for yourself, 2018 will be the year I take that advice and test that theory. Simon's family are included in that as I love them as my own and always look forward to spending time with them as well. It also includes spending time with friends, these are the people who help you up no matter how far down you fall and those people are hard to find, keep them close I say!

Be more of a 'YES!' woman - I remember watching Jim Carey's 'Yes Man' movie years ago and as much as a lot if it was so cringey (and still hilarious to me) you've got to admit he was much happier when he started just saying yes to the little things he usually would have said no to. This year I want to be a yes woman, I want to say yes to more days out and going different places without worrying about the price of things or how many days I have left to do my essays... I always get them done at least 1 week in advance anyway. I also have plans to start this little promise to myself as I want to go to the Hancock Museum in Newcastle, I hate history but love the cavemen, dinosaur type history, so that would be fun. I also want to go to a couple of art galleries, more movie nights out, trips to weird and awesome places. Another side promise to go along with this is that I want to make a scrapbook, or at least take more pictures to keep these important memories alive.

More me time/Learn to step back - Finally, I think something that I have been meaning to do for a long, long time is take more time for me. I love Simon and he loves me but everybody in a live-in relationship needs their own time and we don't get a lot of it these days with uni, family, work and everything else going on. So, with that said I want to take more time for me and learn to step back from situations that I need to remove myself from. I have already thought of how I can do this, I am at my happiest when I am listening to my music, this year I had to invest in a new iPod Touch as a replacement for the best piece of technology ever created... the iPod Classic (screw you apple for discontinuing those!!), so I've bought myself lots of new albums and I am ready to go! I've packed my personal care boxes full of body butters, nice smellies, my craft box is full and I'm fully prepared to give myself some me time in whatever way I fancy!

So those are my little promises and hopes for 2018, and you know what? It doesn't matter which or how many of these promises I manage to fulfil because even one of these things will make my life a little better. I hope you all are looking forward to a brand new year! Thank you all so much for reading and please let me know what your promises/wishes.resolutions are for 2018!

See you soon guys! xo

Quick Update: University and Health

Afternoon all,

This post is going to be very short as at the moment I'm not feeling great at all, I'll be posting an update all about university and my health for the moment as I don't want to leave posting while I'm ill but i also don't have the energy either mentally or physically to write a long post on a particular topic. Apologies all around for the lack of posting however it's not unexpected, last Monday (the 25th I believe) I started back at university for year 2! Very exciting time but the workload is as I expected, heavier and coming quicker than year 1 did, from what I am aware I have at least 3 assignments due in before end of semester 1 in December so I'll be needing to get started with those as soon as possible, my lecturers are fab and the topics seem very interesting. This year I'm studying Medicalisation, Sex, families and personal lives, social policy, industrial society, quantitative research and a placement module. So far I think I've managed to pick where I want to do my placement and what research project I'll be wanting to base it around so yey!

Our university has recently started using the VLE Canvas to put all of our modules on so we can access them easily from home, as of now I can only access 2 out of this semesters 4 modules so for two of my lessons i can't do my reading, can't do the seminar tasks and have no idea how or what deadline assignment dates there are, obviously this is stressing me out a lot, I've actually cried so much over this as it's massively impacting my anxiety, I mean I don't feel good enough to be in second year but how am I supposed to be doing well if I can't do the tasks assigned to me? Anyway, I've spoken to lots of people about this and nobody has managed to sort anything yet but hopefully this coming week something can get done. 

Other than that in terms of university my best friend has started at my uni as well which I'm really happy about as we used to spend lots of time together at college but not as much since we went to separate universities last year. Earlier in the week we went to a student shopping night in the Gateshead metro centre which was very fun and we got lots of bargains, there is another student shopping night coming up soon so if i'm up for it we will head down. We also went to see Simon and my friend's band Deep.Sleep play at the Independent in Sunderland which was amazing! I highly recommend checking out Soho by Deep.Sleep, they are great. The night out in Sunderland resulted in far far too much to drink after blocking out a horrible day on Friday, some people at university were not very nice to me and it's knocked my confidence and my mental health has suffered because if it but hey ho alcohol usually seems like a good idea at the time but never is. I ended up in a state apparently saying Hi to everyone who passed and insisting it was Thursday and telling people Ja is German for yes, I'm not completely sure I trust the stories my friends tell me though. Still recovering from that one...

As I said at the beginning of the post my health hasn't been too great, I'm suffering from insomnia, my asthma is getting a little worse at the moment and unfortunately I've got a skin condition called Acanthosis Nigrigans resulting from insulin resistance, earlier this year the skin started to dry out and cracked, recently it's been splitting and bleeding a bit and because i hate to bother the doctors with my problems I don't go so I tried to deal with it myself, now I'm left with a small infected hole in my abdomen that is extremely painful and making me feel very ill, it mean's I can't put a bra on properly, tops rubbing against surrounding area of skin causes sickening pain, Simon is with me almost every day at uni as I can't cope standing up, the weight of my stomach is pulling the skin down even more and tearing it more too. My endometreosis pains and a terrible matters are not helping at all either, I think I've had less than 10 hours sleep in about 9 days. Comments at university from people have obviously had an impact on my mental health which is probably apparent from my writing, I'm just not feeling up to doing anything at all and I'm beginning to feel as though there's no point in, well anything. I know it'll pass, or at least I hope it will but the quicker that day comes the better, I hate feeling so hopeless, useless and unloved. Thoughts that I haven't had for years and years, since school are not far from my mind at the moment, a lot of people say they think I'm always happy and jovial, I'm really not, I feel like I get on everybody's nerves, that nobody wants me or I'm not good enough to do anything, I don't feel worthy of anybody or anything at the moment.
To anybody out there who is feeling the same try and talk to someone if you can, find an outlet for the pain where possible, in art or music or writing, whatever you do don't let yourself feel like this longer than necessary. It sucks. 

So, to end with I'll apologise once again for taking up your time and not posting much, I'll probably be posting much less frequently as university really kicks in but I will remain active fairly often on Facebook, twitter, Instagram and this is definitely not me signing off blogging, you're not getting rid of me that easily. 

Thanks for coming back,

Katy. xo