The POMC Series: A Partner's Perspective

Hello everybody!

Earlier this week myself and Simon celebrated our 3 year anniversary of our relationship together, there have been many ups and downs in our relationship but we truly love each other and I wanted to take this opportunity to develop a post that I've been meaning to do for a long time. When I started this blog Simon asked me how he could help. This is his contribution, he has chosen to write and article for the blog outlining what it is like being in a relationship with someone who has a genetic obesity condition, and I myself could not be more grateful and proud of him. I hope you all enjoy his perspective and the next instalment of The POMC Series. Here goes...

"When a person is born into the world, they never have a choice in the cards they hold. Hair colour, the colour of ones eyes, even down to their individual personalities, nobody ever gets their say on what they want. This is no exception when it comes down to medical issues, issues that can be, or is, the bane of our existence. Personally, Asthma is my Achilles heel, one which has affected my whole life (Thank you, asthma!) yet it is a condition which I will never hope to submit to. However, there are some people in this life who really suffer much more that what we could ever comprehend, ones which we could never hope to understand unless we walk in their shoes. This post aims to shed a perspective in the life of my long-term partner, Katherine Simpson. 

The first, and best, picture I ever saw of this gorgeous woman

Me and Katy (her preferred name) have met under weird circumstances but we have that chemistry that just simply took off. No idea how she puts up with my randomness but that’s respect for you! We have had many dates out, however, it wasn’t long until I noticed problems with the way Katy was walking. She needed to stop on occasion and this only escalated the more I’ve been with her. Katy mentioned early early in our relationship that she suffered from POMC, Lordosis and a very unique genetic coding which is beyond my understanding. I have attended multiple doctors appointments and assessments as support and even medical professionals struggle with understanding what really makes Katy tick.

From my understanding, Katy suffers from a what-do-you-ma-call-it genetic deficiency in which her metabolism is permanently off. Because the body assumes that it is starving, fat is biologically formed and stored as a back-up energy source, not a great understanding as I mentioned but I wanted to write this without Katy giving me any direction so as to you you all what I see of this condtion. Due to this nature, the body can never truly function properly and this causes Katy to go up in weight. Newcastle RVI and Addenbrooks, Cambridge, are able to explain to a degree, and its such a difficult thing knowing that the one you love do dearly is not able to get treatment or help for an awful condition. Operations, some drugs and even gym has not worked; I can attest to how hard this sweet woman works, only changing shape but not losing weight whatsoever. I have experienced Katy suffer from an ovarian cyst which further compounds how much exercise and activities she can participate in. It is so upsetting to listen to your partner apologise for being who they are, because a medical condition stops them doing things they they desperately want to. 

Personally, I encourage Katy to the best of my abilities to rest and take breaks, yet she always felt guilty that she cannot have a normal life like everybody else in society. Memories with her are much better than distance she can walk and I have bad  short term memory anyway so there is no likelihood I would remember how far we travel anyway! Walking around places like Newcastle and the Metrocentre has always been a struggle, 10 minutes of walking puts a huge strain on her back, legs and pelvis. She is always hungry and finds it very difficult to manage that, she can eat a bigger portion than me and be hungry again minutes later as if she has never eaten at all!, any deviations can physically knock her sick. This is a medical attribute which I am wholly in the dark about and I am still learning more each day. 

I do feel empathy that Katy, no matter how much effort she tries, will just continually struggle. As her supportive partner, we will fight tooth-and-nail for medical and practical solutions but there are very limited channels open. Aspects of our life together have been negatively affected, I can’t express the pain you feel when you are walking down the street, hand-in-hand, with a woman you see as truly beautiful when she gets some disgusting comments shouted at her from afar. You want to go up to them and tell them the whole story but some individuals do not comprehend other individuals circumstances. Because of this, Katy’s confidence with being around others is shot; I wish she could see herself as the beautiful woman I see her as. A medical condition should be no reason whatsoever to make people feel isolated from the rest of modern society. Despite the medical flaws, her conditions does not own her, she aims to own it!!

One of our best nights together at Russell Howard

When I first met Katherine, it was a first for being with someone with such debilitating medical conditions. I was petrified when her cyst flared up two years ago, now I’m so relaxed she jokes that I’m too relaxed! Truth is, If I cannot compose myself to be of help, I should not be a lover at all. I am not size-ist so I do not judge on weight. However, I have have learnt so much about her and myself throughout the three years of us being together. I have adapted to Katy’s needs and as long as we make preparations, we still enjoy days out, even with back pains and struggles and my asthma! My general rule of thumb on looking after people is this;

• Whoever it is you are with, Love them 120%. Yeah, time management is hard, yet, everyone cares for their love. The addition of unorthodox medical conditions are no exception.

• Always keep calm. Managing tasks and looking after Katy is challenging but we always got there in the end. Patience can be low but do not snap and always try and communicate.

• Never go in a relationship if you are not willing to commit. A no-brainer, this one!

• Take time to understand your partner and what makes them tick. They will undoubtedly feel uncomfortable with themselves and they are humans too. No different to the rest of us!

• People can be abusive, what do they contribute to life anyway? You and your partner will be 100% better people than what bullies will ever be. 

People are still people, those with these medical conditions challenge life in hardcore mode, only strong souls can cope, I don’t believe things in life are given to you unless someone, somewhere knows you can cope. Katy copes so well. It is a strain on our relationship at times because I just want to help her but I know I am limited, if I could wave a wand and change things for her I would. Anybody who cares for someone with a long-term condition who loves them would change it for them. The only thing I can suggest for those living with, caring for and loving people with genetic obesity is be there for them and love them and make amazing memories with them, because just like everyone else on the planet, people with genetic obesity conditions are still people and I will always love my amazing partner and accept her for who she is."

By Simon Steel

And there you have it. My wonderful partner wrote those beautiful words as he writes everything else in his life, with passion and meaning. I hope you all found this post enjoyable and enlightening, I am off to give my fella a massive cuddle!

Katy xx

Staying Positive: See the Silver Lining!

Hey everyone!

I hope you're all doing really well, and the first month of your New Year is going awesome! I'm writing this post today because I'm aware the past couple of weeks have been full of emotion for people in my family, and all of my friend groups in some way as many of my friends and most of my immediate and extended family have some pretty serious health problems, I know these issues have been getting my loved ones down and they are struggling to see the bright side of life and to me that is just awful to see. 

It's so important when you have ill health to look at the positive things you have, for example yesterday I spent the day with my best friend and her partner, Nana and Simon baking all day, we both made lovely cakes and if you want to see mine head over to my personal instagram and it's the most recent cake picture! I made a beautiful white chocolate lemon drizzle cake and it smelled amazing! Me and my friend can't eat our cakes, she seemed quite frustrated at this and admittedly when you love cake and know you can't have it or taste what you've made it is very annoying, I can't eat my cake because it isn't worth it in my opinion, if I am going to eat something less healthy than usual I will wait until there is something that truly takes my fancy; albeit those times are few and far between but it makes me appreciate  and enjoy it more for waiting. The thing is everybody on earth has their own cross to bear in terms of their health but something I think is so essential when dealing with your lifestyle when you're chronically ill or have a long term/lifetime illness is that you've got to see the positive side of things even if sometimes it feels like you're fighting a losing battle.

When I first made changes to my diet it was super difficult and after years not not eating very well, or at least as well as I should've been, I was miserable for a long time because I thought I had to cut out foods that I love, like cakes and bacon but I did a lot of research and I've found so many different cake recipes that barely use any sugar and taste really good, most of those are vegan cakes which although they may not be ad indulgent as some other cakes hey I still get to eat cake! Plus vegan diets are recommended to some people with PCOS to relieve symptoms so I'm in a way being a little healthier than I would be if I made a Mary Berry cake. In terms of bacon just changing how its cooked and the kind of bacon makes a huge difference to a diet, I can still have things I loved but they are more strictly moderated and cooking techniques and products use to make my meals are slightly different. That is one of the ways that I tend to se the positive with my dietary changes because that was one of the most difficult things to cope with as it was such a major change for me as I like routine and at the time didn't eat a lot of different things.

Another positive thing is that although I can't eat my cakes I get to have so much fun baking them and trying out recipes, Simon is my personal tester and it's so awesome watching people eat and enjoy the food that you've made, the smells are wonderful the colours and textures are awesome! One of my favourite quotes, I don't know who by, is "life is not about wiring for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain" and that really resonates with me and I would definitely suggest that others remember this quote when you're feeling down. Every time something negative happens or you're feeling generally crappy just take a minute to think about the positives of the situation.

Image from Google.com

For example I had a friend a while ago who started on a treatment that involved daily injections, her way of seeing the positive is that she was scared of needles and at least after the treatment she wouldn't be scared anymore because she would get used to the feeling! That's an awesome way of looking at things if you ask me! My Mam has M.E., a basically null immune system, hundreds of allergies, epilepsy and lots more wrong with her which means she doesn't leave the house much, from this she has learned new sills and gotten really involved in arts and crafts, and although her life is a major struggle at times she has still gained a wonderful new hobby from it all.

Seeing the positive in the negative can change your outlook on life massively, honestly I'm planning  few posts within the next month and I'm very excited about them, during the planning of them I've realised how much I have truly changed and how positive my outlook on life is now. I'm hoping that if anyone reading this is feeling down at the moment, for whatever reason, that this little post does help in some way and if you're feeling low because of ill health please just remember that you're still alive, you still have people around you who are happy to see you turn up to work, or school or uni everyday, people who are happy to have you say hello to them or even just people who are happy that you managed to get out of bed this morning, that's an achievement in itself and I really mean that. In the next month I've to have a couple more posts up and while I was planning them it's been a real shock to look through some of my old stuff and see how much I have truly changed and now much more positive my life is now.
If every anybody needs some support or to talk please go to my Contact Me page and reach out to me because I will ALWAYS be willing to listen if you need to talk. I truly hope this post has helped someone out there because even the smallest of positives can make a huge difference.
Please be safe everybody and remember to see those silver linings!
Love,
Katy xo

Christmas in Our Household! A.K.A. I'm So Excited!!

Evening all!

This post is up slightly later then anticipated only because I've been getting the last few bits and bobs ready for Christmas, my gosh I am so so excited for Christmas!!

This post is pretty much going to be all about how our family does Christmas to be honest, it's the best time of the year for the whole family to be honest, we just love it so much.

Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because I absolutely thrive in cold weather, while everyone else goes around grumbling and muttering about how awful the weather is I am just completely in my element. Don't get me wrong I love Halloween and all the other holidays throughout the year but as soon as Halloween is over I put my Christmas tree up on November 1st, I still laugh when I remember Simon's reaction when we first got together and I put my tree up that day, he had slept at my house because we got home late from a Beamish Halloween event and he was partly loving the spirit and partly in disbelief that people do that so early haha! As you can see it looks like there has been an explosion in a Christmas factory looking at my Nana's living room and tree! Isn't is awesome?!

 

At school I had a friendship group who always called me Mrs. Claus, I loved that name, best thing I ever got called at school. 

Anywho, it's two days away from Christmas day and we are all in full Cheer mode in our house, because my birthday is so close to Christmas the Christmas celebrations don't usually start until the week before. On Monday I had my regular RVI appointment so not much happened until Wednesday really... Me and Simon were so bored sitting in the house and that's no good for any couple usually we get at each others throats if we are cooped up too long so we like to get out and about as much as we can, we decided to go for a small walk around Hardwick Park, a woodland area really close to where we live and honestly it was such a lovely day for it, BITTER cold and barely anyone around. Whenever we did meet people they always smiled and said good morning or Merry Christmas, that's what I love about this time of year, amid all of the rush and hustle and bustle and complaints about the same old songs playing on the radio, there is something underlying, some kind of kindness in people that just sing there any other time of the year. Christmas brings out the best and worst in people and it all depends on your outlook about which side of people you would rather see, I think at least... I might be talking rubbish but Christmas to me is just a happy time. 

Halfway around the walk I started to get pains like usual, my leg felt like the muscles were being for to shreds but on the surface my skin was going numb so I couldn't feel my leg at all, we ended up sitting down for about half an hour until I had some feeling then just doing very very short bursts of walking, what should've been a 30 minute walk turned into a two hour escapade, I ended up crying quite a bit, felt like begging to the clouds "please just make me normal!!" but what's the point? Onwards and upwards so we made the best of the situation, Simon managed to get some lovely pictures, one being of a very majestic looking Robin. 

After the walk we both went to meet a really old friend of mine, we have known each other since school and went for a starbucks, Leanne is such an awesome person honestly, our friendships has never changed even if we have lost touch before; I adore those kinds of friendships ad I'm hoping we can plan another catch up day as soon as possible. We ended up swapping each others presents and cards for Christmas and heading off home after a chin wag. 

Not much happened on Wednesday after that so we ended up watching Christmas TV shows like 'Friends' and 'South Park' episodes which was lovely. 

Over the last couple days I've been taking my nana shopping for Christmas food, the best part of Christmas, I love spending time with my nana she is such a strong and amazing woman and I'm blades to have her in the family to be honest, she's pretty hilarious too, whenever I ask her for directions you can guarantee her answer will be "oh... it was that last left turn" and we always end up laughing and finding somewhere to U turn haha! I'll be taking her shopping tomorrow as well to get the last little bits and finish up before the big day. 

On Christmas eve we tend to swap presents with friends and make sure everybody has been given their presents, I' hoping we can get out for another walk even if it's a really short walk this time, just so we can get out and in the fresh air. Usually, then I will help grandma tidy up the house as we always open our presents at her house and will be having dinner at my Mam's this year. After helping around the house I will get into the car and go an deliver last minute Christmas cards to friends and family in the village and we will go visiting after, this year because of we have lost a lot of close family over the past two years my uncle will be coming to visit us this year and my uncle Charlie is no longer with us. He was a truly fabulous (in every sense of the word) man. Instead of visiting everyone this year we will be heading to our local church as myself and Simon are practicing Catholics. I always love going to Church and don't have as much tie as I would like to attend regularly as I want. On getting back hope we will grab something light to eat and get a few christmas films on, hopefully this year we can watch 'A Christmas Carol' and '8 Crazy Nights' or 'Nightmare Before Christmas'... Ahhh there are too many to choose from! Then we will get to bed before 12am so we can sleep before Santa comes!!

On Christmas morning my Mam and Dad will wake us up around 6/6:30am because they're big kids and we will have our stockings at the end of the bed to rip into, then after taking an hour (or so it feels) to wake up Nana and Granda, my Dad heads downstairs and "checks if Santa has been", he always has. So, we get to run downstairs and get into opening the presents while everyone sits with a cup of tea or coffee, this usually takes two hours give or take. Then we will gather all the gifts together into our own little areas and call or text everybody to say thank you and wish them a merry christmas. Then the best bit... Christmas lunch!! We will be having lunch around 1/2 this year so not too late, usually after a big dinner  we all sit and watch a film until one of us falls asleep, usually my Granda. Since living with Simon it's been different though, Christmas is split between my family and his so we have Christmas evening ad night with his family, mainly because my Mam is too poorly she can't stay awake too long and gets tired very easily so we get what time with her that we can to be honest. It's always a true joy to see Simon's family as they're all fantastic people, I really do love them as my own. It's a 35 minute drive to Simon's house so we will blast the Christmas tunes as we go and do the same on the way home, usually a little quieter haha. 

When we get home you can bet your last penny we will watch a dvd and fall asleep as we watch. Perfect. 

Boxing day is usually us looking through our gifts and spending the day with families, eating still more food (if you can't eat what a little worse than usual at Christmas when can you?) and just relaxing really. So, that is Christmas in the Simpson/Savage/Steel household.

I'd love to know how everyone else is doing Christmas this year? What are your traditions? 

Whatever you do and wherever you are I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!

Bye for now,

Katy. xo

Love & Our Bodies - For Plus Size Peeps!

Good evening all!

Image found on google, taken from general
pinterest thread

I'm sorry about the short absence but university has been absolutely crazy, there were a few hiccups with trying to get all the modules sorted for people and so far we have 4 assignments and presentations and things to do so it has been mad here. In my last post I mentioned that my mental health had not been the best it could be, I think I made that apparent in the way I was writing which shocked me when I re-read it once I began to feel stronger mentally, that's the first time I've ever looked at my feelings on paper and even in the tone of the writing it scared me, I've therefore made the decision to seek help from an organisation referred to me by the doctor, hopefully it won't take too long and I will keep you updated on that as well.

Today's post to get back to it is all about dating an relationships when you are a plus size person, be it male or female, LGBTQIA+, heterosexual, black, white, tall, short and everybody inbetween. I've chosen this topic because it's been 2 and a half years of being with Simon and almost a year of being engaged and thinking back to how I was feeling before I met him I was miserable and would've loved someone to tell me that everything would work out and to chill out. Anywho, on to the bones of the matter.

Before meeting Simon I was extremely bitter, I'd had a number of awful experiences with men and some very heartbreaking scenarios with other people. I hated couples, anything to do with sex, imtimacy and desire, I was jealous of friends and caused arguments because of it, a lot of that I regret now but the issue ran deeply for me because I craved it. All of it. As a teenager I was painfully aware that society did not promote my body type, never mind as ideas beauty, but as beautiful at all, in fact a lot of media, social media and average Joe's on the street made it clear that my body type was to be avoided, nobody would want a fat lass. That's what the kids at school told me and after hearing something so many times you begin to believe it. This kind of attitude leads to low self-esteem, body image issues, a lack of confidence and internalised ideas about beauty, this ideology of of the perfect body is extremely harmful yet permeates almost every aspect of our lives. If you're a bigger person you're automatically not good enough or so society tells you, ever heard someone say "you're pretty/handsome for a big girl\boy" yeah that phrase right there, although it may be meant in the best of intentions it still implies that you're being compared to the ideal standard of beauty. The first thing I've learned is that you absolutely need to get that concept out of your head, there will always be people telling you that you're not good enough for whatever reason, but honestly, why take something as menial into account as looks? Beauty didn't help you get to where you are now, having lots of compliments and men/women falling at your feet didn't help you become the person you are. Your experiences and thoughts, your family and friends, opinions and beliefs are the things that shape you, to some your looks will be but a bonus. The human body is a miracle and quite frankly to base an opinion on something purely on aesthetics alone is shallow, you wouldn't base your opinion of someone else purely on how they look so why do it to yourself? 

With over 8 billion people on the planet is it not irrational to believe that nobody would find you attractive, nor would they find anything at all about you attractive or want to be with you? You might be funny, academic, athletic, artistic, bubbly, quirky, introvert or outgoing and there will be somebody in this world, in your country, possibly even in your home town who will like at lest one of those traits, someone will love your  messy hair, your chubby cheeks, your belly rolls. Someone will crave to have your bingo wings wrapped around them at night keeping them extra warm or big thighs resting on them. Somebody desperately wants a girl who isn't "media beautiful" a woman who carries a few extra or a whole load of extra pounds. Those people out there will be feeling the same as you, that because what they like and find attractive isn't usually what is expected that something about them is wrong or faulty and it's not. The phrase "whatever floats your boat" is never more appropriate. 

However, before you can start getting yourself out on the dating scene or even just out on the scene you need to remember that the image of beauty is given to us by other people, not us. Overweight and obese people are just that, they are people who deserve and crave love and affection, there are obese people out there who unbelievably satisfying love lives, obese people who have lonely love lives, people who are in extremely happy and very unhappy relationships, just like there are people of average and petite sizes who have amazing sex lives and relationships and others who want to improve theirs. Sometimes you just have to deal with the wait and hang in there until somebody comes along, it may not be the love of your life, or it could be, but hell! You'll have fun along the way as long as you keep reminding yourself that you're a beautiful, miraculous human being who deserves love just as much as any other beautiful, miraculous human being. 

If you are a person who suffers from a genetic obesity disorder there is something else I feel I need to tell you before I continue, never EVER feel like you have to justify yourself!! Do you ever hear a slimmer individual saying "oh I'm sorry I'm so small it's genetic"? No. Unless you feel like you need to let a potential partner know the ins and outs of your condition or unless you're talking to your doctor/someone you're comfortable around you do not have to discuss it or give reasons for your size. This is very important, I remember sending Simon a text when we first started talking, a missive text outlining the fact that I have some kind of condition that makes me fat and if he wants to leave me he is welcome to, he didn't obviously and he found it astounding that I would feel the need to disclose that and his reply was "I don't care that you're a big bodied woman, I like you and I don't want to ever lose your friendship". 

Another point I have to make is that once you do find someone, a relationship, friend which benefits or even if you find that you've started to love yourself then you need to just enjoy that time. Just enjoy being happy and loved, desired and appreciated (hopefully appreciated, if not kick that lady/dude to the kerb because you deserve better). Don't waste time looking at other women or men and comparing yourself to them, I've cried so many tears thinking that Simon was only with me because he felt he was in too deep, that he grew to love my body and didn't actually want me. Things like that can ruin your relationship and send you back down into a spiral or self loathing and degradation, which is not what you need. Learn to accept the fact that your partner is with you because they love you, because they desire you and because you are the one that they want (oh oh oh honey!), sorry little Grease humour for you there. Even if you don't believe it keep telling yourself that and over time, if you stay in a long term relationship then you'll begin to believe it, just like you believed the negative comments you can believe the positive. 

I would also say that you should be aware that obesity and "fatness" is viewed as a fetish for some. The fact that you are a 'fat person' may add to the attraction for them or some other people may be attracted to you purely because of your weight. If you are okay with that then great! Please remember you aren't just an object to be used or drooled over, you still have feelings and don't want to be used (unless that's your thing than you go!). Some people are feeders who get erotic pleasure from feeding their partners so they gain more weight, people who are pushy and insist that you must eat or you would "do this is you really love me" are not good for you, particularly those who have a genetic obesity disorder and you might feel these people are worth avoiding, however an extremely important note is that not all people interested in feeding take it far, the majority of feeders and fat fetishists will take into consideration their partners feelings and thoughts on the matter just as any loving partner would so please don't tar everybody with the same brush as all people are individual. 

So, for tonight I think that is it and I really appreciate it if you've managed to make it to them end because it's been really long winded and I really hope nothing in here has offended anybody, the aim was to help you start thinking differently about your body and yourself as a loveable being. 

See you next time! 

Xo.

Back to College and Catch Up!

Afternoon lovely people,

it's been a fab two weeks off despite the ups and downs but honestly I've thoroughly enjoyed myself. I've not blogged for a while purely because I've spent quite a lot of time out of the house this week with friends, having BBQs, shopping, and such other fun things. overall it's been a rather busy holidays and I had planned to spend them just chilling out, reading, doing some cross stitch and knitting (19 going on 90 here!) but I've really enjoyed what I've ended up doing. 

I hope everybody else has had a great easter break too filled with chocolate and lazing about. With the two weeks off I've managed to get a couple of blog post ideas drafted which will definitely be posted over the next few weeks but most importantly after nearly 2 whole years I've finally managed to book a singing and piano lesson with my favourite music teacher!! I am so so so excited about this because I've been waiting to do it for ages and now i actually have an income I have a lesson for Friday at 5, music is one of my biggest passions and I adore singing and piano as well as clarinet so hopefully within a few lessons I'll have my mojo back and be playing Beethoven's 'Moonlight' Sonata soon enough. 

Anyway, because it's back to college tomorrow *insert sarcastic comment* I thought I'd do a quick post before I have to go an get all of my things together for the morrow, so far I have a to do list that goes onto back and front of a sheet A4 paper, oh the joys. I'm also going to spend some time researching jobs I might want in the future because I seem to be flip flopping and I'm gonna need my personal statement started soon so hopefully that'll help. Anywho, I shan't bore you lot anymore I just want to wish everyone a happy easter and a good start back to the last term in college/sixth form or wherever you are!!

Love Katherine. X

My Journey to Self-Love and Body Positivity

SASSY PUG!

Hey all, this post has been coming for a while because it's something that's very close to my heart and a topic I've struggled with for years on end. Body positivity. 

Every singe day in college I'll hear a girl I walk past say "oh I'm so fat, I've got to lose weight!" or a guy say "I really need to get myself to the gym, I'm not strong enough yet", both of those things I actually heard within the same two hour period at my college from students. Things like this break my heart because I have had difficulty with body positivity for almost all of my life and knowing that others are feeling the same way I did as a child doesn't bear thinking about. 

As a child I was bullied from Nursery (age 3 or 4) right up to last December age 18, I personally used to think I deserved every bit of bullying I got, I was ugly, fat, disgusting, all of these things I would remind myself of on a daily basis to make the bullying more understandable. At least that way I knew why I was being bullied, I thought that bullying was a punishment because other people had to look at my horrid face, my fat stomach and my huge thighs. I pushed friends away, withdrew from my family and let my school work slide round about the age of 13/14 when I started self-harming and became suicidal because the bullying was getting worse but because I was maturing I was starting to understand that the bullies were nothing but children who targeted my weak spots... it worked but still, at least I was maturing enough to know it. 

In school I had very few friends, only two I can think of that I would consider true friends, these friends weren't always nice to me but I passed the majority of the things off as friends taking the piss. After several suicide attempts, more self-harm, and God knows how many nights I'd cried myself to sleep or whatever, at 16 things started to change and this is how. 

I walked into a shop and went straight to the magazine isle, I LOVED women's magazines but this day I had seen so much on the TV about how large the average woman was getting, how they used to look, accounts on Twitter making highly offensive fat jokes, insensitive parents using "tough love" to make children lose weight and I had had enough. So, when I saw the typical magazine article where a clinically underweight celeb put on enough wight to be considered healthy, the magazine branded them the worst word possible... FAT *DUN DUN DUUUUUNN*

I laughed to myself, I'd taken these articles as gospel as a child, but how can anybody take something seriously where medical advice and medical opinions are given by journalists? Girls are made to feel bad by inaccurate medical and health opinions given by someone who works in a completely different field! It sounds daft but that was my turning point. From that day I stopped picking up those magazines that made me feel awful about myself. 

I still had issues with how I looked obviously so I thought it was time to address them and I did it my getting dressed every morning and saying one nice thing about myself, even if I didn't mean it, it did feel great to have said something nice. I remember one day I got to the bathroom mirror and without thinking, without having to remind myself to do it I said "Wow, I look so cute today!" and I meant it, that was the best feeling I've ever experienced. Obviously that wasn't the only thing that I used to boost my body confidence, I'm on instagram and I follow accounts such as Tess Munster (Holliday now I believe), Body Positivity, I look at and absolutely love the Carol Rosetti drawings. When you're trying to build up your body confidence and trying to love yourself for who you are I can't lie to you, it's a difficult and long road, picture a turtle trying to walk up a steep hill that's covered in peanut butter on a hot summer day. That's how difficult it is, however in this day and age the media including social media also push it down our throats not to fat shame or skinny shame but each day girls and boys are told they need to be skinny, they need to be strong, muscular, curvy is bad, a bit of a belly is a sin and god forbid you get labeled as fat because they make out your life is over! Well I will tell you something for nothing, your life in never over unless you allow it to be! Whether you're fat, skinny, middle, wobbly or green you have a life, you are valued and you are BEAUTIFUL. I'm a plus size blogger, I'm fat, my clothes go above a size 18 and I am actually healthy. I have the best friends a girl could wish for, I'm enjoying college and I'm on my way to getting my ideal career, I have the most wonderful family anybody could ever dream of and most importantly I truly do love the person I am. 

For all of you girls and boys struggling with anything body related make a list of things you're good at, things you know, things you like, what you want to do and who you want to be. After all, if a person has good thoughts they are beautiful. 

I wish all of you the best of luck of any of you are wanting to start your journey to self-love and body positivity.

Love Katherine. 

The Fun Questions Tag!

Hey all!

It's been a long time since I last posted and in the past week or so quite a lot has gone on, some good some a bit worse but overall I'm so happy with the way it's gone on and things have worked out for the best. Anyway, I thought I'd do a tag because I've not had much tim to write content in the last week or so because we got a new tutor at college who is less than good but I'm sure she'll sort herself out anyway I shall get on with the Fun Questions Tag! Enjoy dearies! 

1) When is your birthday? 

December 14th 1995 - I'm a winter baby!

2) What are 3 of your favorite colors?

Silver, Gold and red at the moment, although silver is my absolute favourite colour.

3) What are your 3 favorites quotes?

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain" - I'm not sure who said that I just have a picture of the quote stored in my phone. 

"If you're always trying to be normal you'll never know how amazing you can be" - Maya Angelou.

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me" - C. S. Lewis.

4) Are you addicted to YouTube?

Um... Maybe... Possibly. Yes. I have a problem! *sobs heartily*

5) What are 3 of your favorite shows on TV or YouTube or both?

Once Upon A Time, American Horror Story Doctor Who.

6) What are 3 qualities you like in a best friend?

Humour, loyalty and kindness.

7) Do you like your name? 

My full name is Katherine Hayley Jazz Savage Simpson but I'm known as Katy Simpson. I hate Katy Simpson but I love Katherine Hayley Jazz Savage, if that made any sense at all.

8) If you have the choice to pick your own name, what will it be?

Ruby Pleasant, because rubies are my favourite gems and I'm obsessed with the Skulduggery Pleasant series!

9) What is your fantasy dream?

For Skulduggery Pleasant to save me from some danger and I become his partner... that's not weird right? Right?

10) Do you wear makeup?

I do, not all the time but I wear it o college sometimes and when I'm off out or going to a party or something. 

11) If you could write a book, what would the title be and what would it be about?

I have no idea about the title but I do write a little and at the moment I'm writing a short horror novella type thing with possession and demons and stuff. I love scaring myself witless to be honest. 

12) What makes you cry?

I cry when I see my friends and family upset, anything to do with hurting animals or children, Disney movies... pretty much everything. 

13) What makes you angry?

Ignorance, when people talk about others behind their back in a malicious way, homo/bi/transphobia etc and discrimination for any reason... and politics.

14) What makes you happy?

Books, books and more books, days out with my best friends, cosy nights in, spending time with the family. 

15) What is "Fangirling?"

See the picture? That is what fangirls/fangirling is.

16) What are your 3 favorites snacks?

I really like shredded coconut, sliced almonds and strawberries.

17) What are your 3 favorite foods?

Pizza, my grandmas sunday dinner and stir fry are my all time favourite foods. 

18) What are your 3 favorite drinks?

Water, Milk (with or without tea) and Shlœr, yummy.

19) Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Well, I'm 19, I'm a plus size blogger, I live in the North East of England, I'm obsessed with Harry Potter and Skulduggery Pleasant. I can sing, play piano and clarinet. I'm pretty cool and I love rainy days.

20) What are 10 random facts about you?

- I'm a Slytherin on Pottermore

- I can sing in German, Polish, Russian and Mandarin.

- I can perfectly recite every single line of Mulan throughout the whole movie. 

- I used to want to be a stripper when I was younger...

- I got my Mam to buy me a 'make your own skeleton' type thing but stopped buying after the head purely cause I wanted to recite Shakespear.

- I'm an only child.

- I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

- I want to live in the Scottish or Irish countryside.

- I'm single although I have various celebrity and non-celebrity crushes at the moment. 

- I have over 150 different types of nail polish.

21) What are your 3 fun things to do?

Read, draw and cross stitch are my 3 favourite things to do. 

Thanks for reading all hopefully some of you will fancy doing this tag, let me know and I'll check it out. 

Love Katherine. X

All images for this post are  taken from Google. :)

My Ultimate Life Goals!

Hey All!

Lately a lot of of things have been going on in my life that have lead me to rethink things, what I want to do, who i need in my life and so on; blogging is a great way for me to get my thoughts in to some sort of logical, sensical order, so this is why I’m doing my ultimate life goals post. I’ve never been the type of girl who dreamed of being famous, I never wanted fortune, flashy houses, or loads of fans falling at my feet. When I was a young whipper snapper I didn’t even want to be a princess *shock horror*. I wanted to be a genius, maybe a great pianist or be fantastic at playing clarinet, I just wanted what everyone wants; to be able to live normally and earn a good wage in a job I love. Obviously the genius thing hasn’t worked out so far but I’m doing great in what I’ve chosen to do and my ultimate life goals have changed so much over the years i can’t even attempt to plan anything or set any goals in stone because nobody knows what life will throw at you. So, after a long an arduous introduction on my part (sorry for that) These are my, current, ultimate life goals!

Get through University with a decent grade - I think this is pretty common goal for most students at uni, I've given up on trying to be the A* student mainly because I'm pretty atrocious when it comes to exams. Unless my uni course is going to be all coursework like a BTEC course I'll be over the moon coming out with a C grade to be honest! 

Financial Indepencende - This is something I've always wanted, I hate the thought of having to depend on a partner or family member for financial support, from being young this has always been one of my main life goals. I think it's also important to note that finding a job that I love is very high on my priorities list, I spent so much time hating school and sixth form that I do not want to hate the job I end up with. Regardless of pay, in most circumstances, it's more important to find a job I love than anything else but for the moment I'm enjoying my college course and flip flopping between jobs I might want.

Get Married - I think it would be absolutely wonderful to find someone, fall in love and get married; it's not an essential life goal for me but it's more of a 'ideal world' type goal. Also one of the other main reasons I'd love to get married would be purely to plan the wedding because I LOVE event planning. 

Have Children - This is a top of my priorities list to be quite honest. From being very young myself I've always been  quite maternal, always known I'd make a good mother and as I've gotten older I've only gotten more sure that I definitely want children at some point. I'm also quite resolved about the fact that at least one (preferably my first) of my children should be adopted, I've very strong opinions on adoption but that's a matter for another post. So children are definitely a priority. 

Be Happy - Finally the only think I would really like in life (other than children) would be to be happy. Happiness is so important in life and life without it isn't worth a damn if you ask me. I want to get out there and do fun things, spend time with family and good people, take impromptu road trips, dance sing and generally live. Being happy is my main focus and priority at the moment and I believe more people need to make the effort to be happy, see the goodness, fun and positivity in life more often. 

Thanks for reading everybody and I really hope you enjoyed this post. Let me know some of your life goals, I’d love to hear from you!

Love Katherine. X

Day Trip to Whitby!

Hello everyone!

I'm really very happy to be back into the swing of blogging and posting but admittedly the break this week has been pretty sweet. I mentioned in my previous post (here) that because of a relatively free week I was able to go to Whitby with a couple of my best friends, Annie and Aidan, and although the early morning start and the A19 motorway meant I wasn't exactly overjoyed to be going to begin with I was extremely happy we all went because the day was just brilliant!

I've been up early everyday this week and yesterday morning wasn't an exception, I think I got up around 7:00am and quickly hopped in the shower and hopped back out after practically using all my honey and almond scented soap that I got from Whitby the last time I was there; what can I say? I like soaps!

After my lovely shower I managed to get my hair done, make up on and get dressed all in the space of 20 minutes which for me is pretty darn good! Also as a little 'NOTE TO SELF' here I will be doing a post on what I wore to Whitby sometime in the next week which will include hair, beauty and fashion. Anyway, after that I set off for Aidan and Annie's house and got there at like 9:15am which was making good time; we spent an hour at their house then set off for Whitby after fuelling up the car. I'd been dreading this part for a couple of days because, although I'm a good driver, I panic LOADS when it comes to the Teesside motorway because I had a very close call there once with another car. I was terrified and every time a big wagon passed I would make noises like someone deflating a balloon. Every now and then there were cigarette breaks for Annie and Aidan but we managed to get to Whitby in one piece by around 12:20pm. 

We headed straight to a really lovely restaurant named Hadley's Fish Restaurant where myself and Annie had traditional fish and chips and Aidan had Haggis and chips, that really turned my stomach. We also managed to get through two pretty big pots of tea while we were there, Yorkshire tea is the best! I've got to say everything there was wonderful, the service was friendly, fast and really welcoming, the food was delicious and very good quality and the décor was just so cosy; fairy lights everywhere!

After lunch we all had a look around the shops, stopping at some stalls, smelling the soap shops, and of course going into the weird little Gothic shops that Whitby is pretty renowned for. After a while though Aidan went up the 199 steps to get some pictures whilst me and Annie went into a pub called the Duke of York, which was anything but welcoming, put nicely. We all had drinks and then I remembered that the parking ticket on my car had expired by about an hour and a half so it was a mad dash back to the car to make sure I hadn't gotten myself a ticket, thankfully I hadn't so we all stressed for nothing!

We all then decided to go to the Gothic shop up the top of Whitby called Pandemonium, unfortunately I was parked on double yellows so I ended up staying in the car and watching for traffic wardens while Annie and Aidan went in and looked around, I'm not all too keen on that shop so I'm not envious that I stayed behind. Oh and on the way out of that area I managed to get myself stuck going the wrong way in a one way street, that was... interesting to say the least. 

On the way home after what can only be described as a fantastic day for everybody, all three of us decided to pick a topic to discuss on the way home, this topic was one of my favourites (sarcasm alert); zombies. Turns out that I'd be pretty inept in a zombie apocalypse, Annie would most likely survive and Aidan would probably be the one to get seriously injured. Half way home we all started to get hungry so we stopped at a little place called the Cross Keys and before we even got food we left we waited for over 40 minutes just waiting to be seated, get drinks or have our orders taken. Definitely won't be going back there, put it that way. So, we ended up at KFC in Teesside park attacking our chicken pieces, Annie and myself got flat pepsi (not nice, don't ever try pepsi with no syrup). Finally we got home about 8:30pm and all of us were knackered, it had been a really long but a bloody wonderful day and I for one think we need to go on more trips like that. Good company, good times. 

Thanks for reading everyone!

Love Katherine. X

Post Break Ramblings

I'm back baby!

Hey there everyone, as you al know I've been away for a week or so, this was just a really short break because I had a bit of work to do for college this week and I was panicking about getting all that done as well as trying to make time for blogging, it's just wasn't doable and unfortunately I can't just take a break from college, so I've been absent for a while, and I'm sure you've all missed me very very much ;). 

So, here's a little update about what I've been up to. Last weekend I made a point of getting as much work as possible done so I would have this week as pretty free, I managed to get everything done quite well and pretty quickly. So, I ended up relaxing for the rest of the weekend and finishing a couple of my favourite stories in the Skulduggery Pleasant Armageddon Outta Here book, this particular favourite was 'Get thee behind me Bubba Moon', a fantastically frightening little story I must say, not unlike the Salem's Lot type storyline. On Monday it was pretty normal, Tuesday the same and that was when I got the news that I didn't have to re-do my last assignment as I'd achieved the distinction criteria thankfully! Since then my week has been free but I've been spending quite a bit of time with friends. On Wednesday it was my friend Annie's birthday (Annie of mockingbird vocals.blogspot.com) so I went over with her pressies, we did make up tutorials together and were generally girly which was so much fun. We did a bit of singing together and I also helped her set up her blog that I help with in the day-to-day running, I also set up her boyfriends blog (pausefordthought.blogspot.com) although his is still pretty sparse post wise I'm sure it'll be up and running in no time. Oooh also on Wednesday night I helped Annie dye her hair a lovely shade of blue! It looks very mermaid-y and I really enjoy dying or watching people have their hair dyed, no idea why. 

Thursday I was back at placement as it was as wonderful as ever, I've fallen in love with each and every one of the children there and the whole team have welcomed me right into the fold of their little family as though I'm one of their own and I'm also getting much more responsibility whilst I'm there which I'm loving, I've mentioned in previous posts that I love children and I love working with children so I'm in my total element whilst I'm there. 

Now, yesterday was definitely the highlight of the week because me, Annie and Adian (her boyfriend) went down to Whitby for a day out! Whitby is my all time favourite place to visit and I'll be posting on the later on in the day so watch out for that post! Due to the fact that I'm posting al about that later of I shall keep this really brief so as not to giveaway some of the details. It was a brilliant day and I couldn't have spent it with better people. 

As for this weekend I'm ill AGAIN! So I'm going to spend today and tomorrow getting my blogging back on track reading and catching up with The Voice UK! Thanks very much for reading and I hope you're all having a wonderful week!

Love Katherine. X