|A young me with with the grandparents on our jollies|
This post is my second post of they day and it's going to be a pretty personal one, I've been doing a lot of soul searching these past few weeks and I think it's about time I put my thoughts into physical(ish) form. Over the years I've struggled with quite a few things such as body issues, long term medical and health issues self esteem/confidence and bullying. I never was the sort of person to stand up for myself and take charge of my own life... until now. Over the course of my life I've completely changed as a person, as a woman, I'm confident, I'm funny and to be rather honest I'm an all round fabulous lady and all of those bullies, those people who've tried to put me down, they've failed miserably because right now I couldnt be happier, I've learned quite a lot in my short life but I've only just realised most of it. This post is basically me, the strong and confident woman I am now, telling my scared, anxious younger self what's what in life.
It's okay to be single! It's okay to love yourself too!
When I was much younger I never thought of myself as beautiful or even pretty, I thought of myself as the girl who would always be bypassed, trodden on and left alone because everyone wants to avoid the fat girl with her nose in a book. I genuinely thought I was unlovable and that being single was a cardinal sin but my GOD I was so naive! Just because I was single I thought I was less of a person, less than what all the other girls in my class were but I was so wrong! Looking back now being single in those years allowed me to focus on other things, I got good grades, I had time to spend with my best friends and have fun like any other teenager should be doing, I wasn't overly concerned with boys I was concerned with my own body issues. I was able to figure out who I am as a person because I didn't have the pressure on me to get a partner because I assumed nobody would want me! As I've gotten older I've realised how wrong I was, I've had boyfriends and such albeit not loads but the feeling of having a boyfriend is nothing compared to the feeling I get when I'm able to look into the mirror and finally say that I like... nay I love who I am as a person, of course I still have my insecurities but who doesn't?! My appearance does not define me, I have a fab personality, I'm funny, quirky and I have awesome friends. That brings me on to my second point...
The things I don't like about myself don't matter to anyone but me!
"Can you see my scar?" "Am I too pale?" "My stomach is far too big" these are the things I would cry over when I was younger. I would cry about them because I didn't like them, I thought my friends could see those insecurities, could see how awful I looked... No. Those things mattered only to me, they only mattered because I let them matter. I spent so much of my time obsessing over how I looked, crying about my appearance and what I could and couldn't wear. If I could go back in time and meet my younger self I would grab the poor girl by the shoulders and I'd make her believe that she was and is a gorgeous young lady with a personality to die for! I'd tell her to wear what the hell she wants, do whatever makes her happy and stop wasting her teenage years worrying over things that were only huge problems to her. Nowadays I do just that, I wear what makes me comfortable, I do what makes me happy (reading usually haha) and I spend time with the people I love and have a good laugh nearly every single day.
Don't try and make everyone like you!
This was a biggie for me mind. I was so scared of doing something wrong, even at home, I tried to make every single person I came across like me. This in the end became too stressful and I realised that half the people I was trying to make like me, I didn't like myself. That I realised pretty quickly in sixth form when I met a wider variety of people, you simply can't make people like you and I would have saved so much time if I'd stopped trying to do that. Now I take the mentality of - well I'm being myself so if you don't like me you're missing out - and I'm getting along just fine and dandy with that mentality. Actually I'm much more chilled out and happy since I've stopped trying to get everyone to like me.
Put yourself first! Say No!
This is something I still have a few issues with, I think that's mainly because I like to help people whenever I can though. When I was a young whipper snapper I did everything... for everyone. When I was at school I would actually do other people's work because of my inability to say no, that took up way too much of my own personal time so now if I don't want to or I can't do something I will say no. I've found out how important it is to take some time for myself, even if it's only 5 minutes listening to my favourite songs or half an hour reading. It's a great way to calm down and relax, I wish I'd had the sense to see it when I was younger.
So all in all over the years, yeah I've struggled with stuff but so have so many other people around the world, I don't ever let that fact take away from what I feel or what I think but I've finally realised that along with going with the flow, loving and accepting myself and making sure I surround myself with positivity, life isn't always going to be as bad as it seems, it may not have turned out exactly as I planned it would when I was younger but it's much better that I ever could've imagined right now.
Also for those of you who have body issues or are having trouble accepting yourselves I highly recommend following Tess Munster, Body Positive and the Eff Your Beauty Standards on Instagram!
Thanks for reading all and I hope you enjoyed reading it.
Love Katherine. X